MTB Jocks hate Fixie Hipsters in Germany too.

I've been blogging about those pesky little hipsters on fixed gear bikes recently. And I also admitted that in a way I myself might fall into that category, if one looks strictly at stuff like clothes and gear.

Well, it's been all good but now some Super Aggro 100% Poser Free German Single Speed MTB Jocks here and here are unfortunately taking the hipster hating a bit further. Check out the pic above. Here's a (bad) translation of the texts, courtesy of John Prolly's nice blog:

"Left Side:

Cheeky hat made of imitation denim with wannabe sponsor logo
Insect-resistant and stylish "nose-bike" (slang for sunglasses)
Model: Mandy Whorehole
Alternative: Eyepatch or "wood-eye" (like the eye in a plank of wood)
Weight-optimizied acceleration baby-beard
Model: booger- and snot-retardant "respect beam" (I think this is more unusual slang for mustache)
Alternative: None, really. Ah, well, maybe black sharpie.
Nitto NJS handlebars & stem
(limited edition anodized = powerful penis enlargement)
NJS-stamped track components generally increase the style and standing of fixie-pilots and will give your rivals even worse penis envy and make them salivate uncontrollably.
Alternative: Forget it, kid.
Tri- or Aerospoke front wheel
Most important is that it is made of plastic and is usable (I could be wrong if Platik isn't a typo for Plastik)
It doesn't make sense, but hipsters don't give a shit.
Trispokes and Aerospokes ride steady. End of story. ("ride steady" is a guess)
Alternative: Preferably a colored deep-V
Model: (no idea here) Accelerator, Scumpagnalo Pasta or Clammy Nippleator.
Funny stickers, postage stamps or pornographic images emphasizing urban appearance and uglification (theft deterrence), as well as the personalization of your fixie.

Right side:

Grandpa's stuffy flannel shirt from storage
Model: Desert Fox. Warms and protects the urban fixer from incipient semi-sunshine and spy attacks (?) from crazed freewheelers.
No mess bag, no credibility.
Fixie-pilots use the mess bag to distinguish themselves from the masses of ordinary bike riders.
Model: USA (Balkan model, if need be) (maybe)
Ghetto blaster casually balanced on the arm
Music: Punk, Oi or Ramones
Anything else would not be plausible.
Alternative: Riding no-handed with a turntable in each hand.
Bunch of keys dangling flirtatiously from a belt-loop.
Spares the dope in pants pockets and heralds the sweaty pilot precociously.
Cloth pants Model: Dixie ShootMeDead in doodoo-brown.
In a pinch: BiteMeBlue, hand-shortened.
Original Japanese NJS Keirin frame.
The holy grail of every fixie-pilot.
Spoke cards. Imperative.
Spoke cards are the poser's license plate.
The more license plates, the more... something.
Track pedals with double straps.
Double straps, double acceleration.
Battle scars. Boosts urban credibility.
Cloth sneakers with soft-as-shit rubber soles.
Reason: see Trispokes.
No bar tape. Bar tape is gay.
Alternative: Bar tape.
Socks are also gay."

Obviously all of that is supposed to be humor and it is pretty funny, but: picking on stuff like this and calling  things 'GAY' (=Schwul) is in my opinion really only a small step a away from evil stuff like gay-bashing etc. Basically it's an illustration of  "You're not like us, you're different, you and your bike is stupid, we hate you!" -type of mentality. 

So here's my regards: 

Hey guys! Just start wearing those cool Swastika armbands again, will ya?

Anyhow, this just goes to show how divided and full of ill will the cycling world is on the inside. And it also proves that the fixed gear trend is blowing up big time in Germany.

The Fixie Backlash Has Begun. Years Ago, Actually.

While The Fixed Gear Phenomenon (tm), or trend if that's you want to call it that, is currently taking over the world by storm, even now in the times of globalization where information travels around the world at the speed of light, in different cities and countries the popularity of FG bikes is still at very different levels.

From what I've gathered, places like San Francisco, NYC and Tokyo are way ahead of lots of other places on the curve but here in Europe particularly we've been pretty slow in catching up. While the scene in London, for example is growing fast, cities where you would think such new things would catch up quickly, like Paris, Berlin, Milano, Barcelona and Amsterdam, are all still lagging behind when compared to cities in USA or Japan. This could of course be a good or a bad thing, depending on where you stand, or whether you care at all. 

But, as every thesis has its antithesis, every trend has a backlash just waiting around a corner. As a proof, , here's a link to a rather nasty article from SF Bay Guardian from 2006 which presents some early signs of the inevitable backlash an shows how far ahead SF is in this. 

Here's some good quotes if you're too lazy to read the whole thing:

"Sounds like a pain in the ass. If you're like me, the first question that comes to mind is "why?" Well, the modern SF two-wheeled steel, aluminum, and rubber hipster fashion accessory has its roots in racing, like other wheeled vehicles that don't really translate to street usage."

"Like trucker hats and PBR, what started as a bike messenger thing has become a fashion statement and status symbol. You've got kids in the Mission with the left leg of their jeans rolled up, a little biker hat on crooked, slip-on Vans, and a brand-new fixed-gear Bianchi; and they don't know their ass from a light socket."

"Riding a fixed-gear is like handicapping yourself. The bikes are so awkward to ride that not looking like an idiot while riding one is an accomplishment. It's like riding a three-legged horse in the Kentucky Derby. To do that well, you'd have to be an excellent jockey. At the same time, why not be in it to win it and ride a horse with four legs?"

"The fact of the matter is, the popularity of these bikes has nothing to do with the bikes themselves or the few people who actually have the chops to ride them with style. The fixed-gear is to 2006 what the Razor scooter was to 1996: a wheeled freak show for wannabes."